


Loss

by FKAErinElric



Series: Family Forever [12]
Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Depression, Family Loss, Gen, Loss, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Stress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8767351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FKAErinElric/pseuds/FKAErinElric
Summary: One faithful day a family lost their mother and nearly two sons.





	1. Virgil's nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after Recharge

Virgil Tracy was always good at hiding things; the only other member in the family who might one up him on that fact is John. Virgil never hide anything too serious; odd little secret here and there between brothers (hell he was about fifty percent sure he had enough black mail on all of them to last six years) Being the middle brother he was peacemaker, the middle man, the part time listener (only out bested by John on that too). Virgil had his role in the family much like all of them. But sometimes maintaining that role was hard.  
Doing back to back rescues was always a drag. Get one done fly half ways home get sent on another. Virgil had suspected that the exhaustion was a big part of his problem; until he started to focus on where the rescues were. He tried often in his life not to let it get to him but sometimes it had a habit of hitting him at the worst times. Like now;  
Virgil woke up with a sudden jolt. He was gasping for air and clung to his bedding. Tossing it aside he leaped up from his bed and opened the balcony to get fresh air. Why was this happening now? Deep breathes. He told himself, he hadn’t had a panic attack in years. He clung to the edge of the railing so tight his knuckles went white. He had worked on breathing exercises over the years to calm himself down. He’s breathing leveled out and he relaxed. He collapsed in a bench nearby.   
He couldn’t even recall what woke him up like that. Last thing he remembered was falling asleep on the couch with Scott after the rescue in the artic. He remembered being asleep, he remembered his little brothers waking the two of them up and sending them to bed (shoe on the other foot situation) he remembered hitting the bed and bam dream land. He was still shaking apparently that dream if that’s what it was really got to him.  
He got his weary bones up from the bench feeling like he went ten rounds with Kayo, and dragged himself back into his room. His bed was trashed like he had been struggling to get out of something. He frowned at it as if it was the source of his panic attack. Deciding to tempt fate again he laid back down in his bed. He was so tired after all those rescues all he wanted to do was sleep.   
Not long after drifting back off it hit him again. This time he remembered; a blinding whiteness around him, a feeling of lack of air, cold crisp air, and crying he could hear crying. He bolted up right in bed again chocking back a scream that almost escaped. That dream. It was that dream. His long enemy he thought he had put to rest with therapy, time and deep breathing. That dream of being trapped in the snow with his mother, that dream of his brush with death.   
This time he practically fell out of bed. Sleep would be his enemy tonight. He wondered out of his room considering hitting up Scott his good strong shoulder to lean on, but he knew his brother needed his rest. He considered John but… no he couldn’t put him through that again.   
He opted to make his way to the kitchen and see if he could scare the demons away with a strong beverage. He didn’t want to bother his family and if he numbed his mind enough he wouldn’t remember his name let alone what happened ages ago. Although if they got a late night rescue he would be up shit creek if he was drunk off his ass.  
He made his way to the kitchen and noticed the lights over the pool were on. Hearing a splash he soon realized he wasn’t alone. Giving up on the lets drink until I pass out plan he wondered out to the pool. Maybe a swim will clear his head.  
A blond head popped up out of the water. “Hey there Virgil.” Gordon swam over to the edge of the pool. “What’s up? Looking to take a midnight dip?”  
Virgil shook his head and sat on the edge of the pool. Dipping his feet in wondering how long before Gordon tried to pull him in. “Didn’t bring my swim trunks.”  
“Oh…” Virgil could swear that not only did Gordon have his squid sense, he had a bro sense. Anytime he had a problem Gordon somehow knew. His lighter brown eyes focused on his darker ones and asked the question that had been hanging in the air. “You okay bro?”  
Virgil not being one to lay it all out he let out a sigh and said, “Yeah I’m good.”  
“Not how I see it.” Gordon swam back a little and frowned. “Because you look pale. And I’m pretty sure before you came out here you were looking at the ‘medicine cabinet’ also it’s like mega late and the last I seen you, you couldn’t hold your eyes open.”   
Gordon searched his eyes waiting for an answer and Virgil looked away. “Come on Virg. You can tell me.”  
Virgil hated to drag his youngest brothers into his problems; he was the one they went to not the other way around. He gritted his teeth then said with a defeated voice. “I had the nightmare again.”  
Gordon’s honey brown eyes widened. “That one… when you were trapped in eh snow?”  
Virgil hung his head and gave a small nod. He heard another splash and realized his little brother had climbed out of the pool.   
“It’s okay Virgil.” Gordon said. He wrapped his arms around Virgil.  
Virgil relaxed some. Even though Gordon was dripping wet at least he was some source of comfort. “I really don’t know what brought it on… I thought that… I thought I was over it.”  
“You never truly get over something like that.”  
Virgil figured Gordon would know; after all he had his own brush with death when he had that hydrofoil accident. Virgil however always felt like his issues were different. After all he was trapped with their mother right before she died. Virgil had vivid and realistic nightmares from that day. They last for an almost a year. He struggled with them nightly losing sleep and struggled with day to day life. Virgil slowly stopped having the nightmares though sometimes a few would sneak in here and there. Usually though there was a trigger. “I was in the artic.” He said out loud.  
“Huh?”  
“That’s what triggered it. I did so many rescues in the artic this month. It must have brought it out of me.”  
Gordon gave a nod of understanding. “Being out there in the cold all the stress,”  
Virgil let out a sigh and put his head in his hands. Gordon placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.  
“Has it bothered you before?”  
Virgil shook his head. “Not since it first happened.” He looked over at Gordon, “Do you remember that? The winter after it happened?”  
Gordon did remember. Hardest year of his life, it was tough for the whole family. They had lost their mother suddenly, they almost lost Virgil and John in the same accident, roles were changed and lives were drastically changed. Gordon could remember vividly the first time it had snowed in Kansas after the accident. Seeing his normally strong and brave older brother completely melt down into a pile of tears, Virgil waking up every night from the same nightmare it was a hard time in all their lives. Gordon felt a pang of dread what if it was about to happen again? “Do you, do you think maybe you should talk to Scott or John about it?”  
Virgil shook his head. “I don’t want to bother them tonight, and I’m worried if I talk to John about it’ll trigger something.”  
While Virgil had nightmares from the accident John did not. John however went through a bout of depression after the accident.   
“Well I don’t want to see you go through that again. I may have been little when it happened but I remember it. I don’t want to see it happen to you again.”  
“I know Gordon…” He reached out and took his hand for comfort. “How did you deal with… the nightmares from your accident?”  
Gordon smiled warmly. “Lots of therapy and some awesome big brothers.” He squeezed his hand. “I think you should go to bed its late.”  
“I’m not going to be able to sleep.”  
“Want me to tuck you in?” he asked with a smile  
Virgil chuckled at that. Younger brother looking out for the older one like how it goes in the family. “Okay Gordon.”  
The two got up from the pool. Gordon was still dripping with water and in swim trunks he lead his older brother back to his room.  
Virgil was grateful to have run into Gordon. Even though Gordon was the clown of the family he could be pretty down to Earth when he wanted to. Virgil could appreciate that. Once they got back to his room Gordon gestured to his bed.  
“Go ahead,”  
Virgil removed his shoes, and got back in his bed. He wasn’t happy about it he didn’t want to see it again. His body however was grateful it was exhausted. He cast a glance at Gordon who sat down at a nearby chair.  
“I’m staying right here, okay?”  
“You’re going to watch me sleep?” he asked raising an eyebrow.  
“”I’ll beat back any nightmares. Trust me big brother.”  
Virgil nodded. He closed his eyes listening to the ocean, he could hear Gordon hmm a tune that he couldn’t name. Having his brother nearby made him feel warm and safe. Sleep took him easily and he had a night free of nightmares.

 

Virgil woke up later than what he usually does. He yawned as he sat up seeing his alarm was turned off most likely because of Gordon. He got out of bed took and shower and changed his nightmare all but forgotten. He made his way down the hallway towards the kitchen.  
Sitting in the kitchen was Scott and Gordon drinking coffee. Virgil felt his blood run cold for a second, “Morning.” He greeted his brothers.  
“Morning,” they said.  
Scott was eyeing him hard. “So Virgil, how have you been?”  
“Fine,” He said as he poured his coffee, “How about yourself?”  
Scott glanced over at Gordon who got up and left the room. Virgil could put two and two together. Gordon was worried and reported the incident last night to Scott. Virgil wasn’t mad, he understood his brothers actions he’d done the same thing.  
“Listen Gordon,”  
Virgil sighed and looked down into his coffee. “He told you huh?” He looked up at his older brother. “I’m not surprised.”  
“Virgil you should have told me about,”  
“You were asleep.”  
“I didn’t know snow still bothered you.”  
Virgil cringed. He couldn’t believe it either, he had been on so many missions in the artic why now all of the sudden? “I didn’t either. Maybe it was a onetime thing.”  
“And maybe its resurfacing and you are going to go through that again.”  
He shook his head. “I,”  
“Virgil,” Scott put his hand on his shoulder. “It’s okay buddy, you’ve beat this before we can do it again.”  
Virgil nodded. “I’m glad Gordon told you.” He sipped his coffee, “Because I sure wasn’t.”  
Scott suppressed a laugh and hugged his brother. “Okay I’m going for a run.”  
Virgil nodded. “Be careful.”  
Scott took off leaving Virgil with his thoughts. Virgil studied his coffee when he heard a noise behind him. “Gordon I’m not mad.”  
Gordon stepped into the room. “Good glad to hear it because I was worried.” He was feeling a little sheepish as he ran his hands through his hair  
“Yeah if I was you I’d done the same thing.”  
Gordon nodded and sat beside him. “It was just bothering me is all. I was so worried about you. I kept thinking what if…”  
Virgil patted his shoulder. “Gordon I understand. I’m not going to let it get that bad. I’m sorry I worried you.”  
He smiled and nodded. “Yeah good,” He looked down and looked back at him. “Want to go for a swim?”  
Virgil laughed. “Sure Gordon.”  
The two headed to the pool. Virgil wasn’t sure he’d never have that nightmare again, but he knew his family would be for him if he did.


	2. John's memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John tell EOS about how he lost his mother.

John felt numb and drained as he laid in his bed. He sometimes hated the quiet of Thunderbird 5. He listened the instruments beep and click off in the distance. The smell of coffee creeped in the room signaling that EOS was trying to summon him out his bed, he rolled over cocooning himself in blankets. He didn’t want to get up today.

            The camera up ahead clicked on. Usually EOS would never go in his room although he knew she would sometimes come and see how he was sleeping at night. “Good morning John!” she said in a chipper tone. She turned on the lights in the room. “It is 6 AM, Tracy Island time, a beautiful day down below. Today is November 20th, and,” she stopped when she noticed him flinch when she mentioned the date. “Come on John time to rise and shine.”

            He rolled over on his side and mumbled something. The AI was confused she never had problems waking him before. She did a scan through her memory banks looking up the date. She let out an, “Oh I see.” When she found what she was looking for. She was informed of the date a long time ago when she was asking about the boys’ parents. It was the day their mother died. “I was not aware John. I am sorry.”

            The man raised up from his bed. “No I’m sorry I should,” he shook his head, “I need to get up I just.” He felt heaviness on his heart. He always assumed it would get easier with the passing years but it did not. As a matter of fact he was sure it got worse every year.

            His AI seemed unsure of what to do. A multiuse of colors appeared on the camera lens assessing her next move he figured. He finally mustered the courage to get out of bed and headed to the galley area in search of coffee.

            “John.”

            He looked up at the camera. “Yes EOS?”

            “I have noticed a change in your demeanor and neurotransmitter levels. You appear to be… depressed. Would you like to talk about it?”

            Sitting down his coffee he looked at her. “I’ll try… I’m not big on talking about my feelings.”

            “It could help.”

            He sighed and began his story:

 

            _It was November 20 th about twelve years ago; I was sixteen at the time. Dad’s business was in full swing by then and him and mom were very busy taking care of everything. It had been some time since we had a family vacation. If I recall our last one was when I was like ten I believe anyways, mom wanted to do something special as me and Scott were nearing college age. _

_Our parents let us pick what we wanted to do for vacation. It had been some considerable years since we last went skiing. Heck Alan wasn’t even old enough to remember going so that’s what we picked._

_We went to a resort in Aspen it was a nice place. We were going to be there for four days or so not to long as dad had a few business deals that were waiting on him when he returned home. It was our second day there; we had been out the day before as a family, dad didn’t want Alan or Gordon skiing yet so we hadn’t gone yet. I talked mom into going with me and Scott and Virgil went with us._

_It had been snowing the day before; fresh snow was piling on the mountain side. We set off down the mountain we didn’t have a real care in the world when… the ground seemed to shake. I remember looking back and seeing the snow coming right at us._

_Scott was way ahead of us I remember hearing him shout, “Avalanche!”_

_I don’t know if it was fear or what but I couldn’t move I was rooted there like some damn tree. Next thing I knew I was being grabbed and pulled away._

_Our mom had managed to get me and Virgil. She pulled us into a like a rock alcove but we were buried up in the snow. We were cut off we had no idea what was going on outside._

_It was bitterly cold. I remember we clung to mother the whole time for what seemed like hours and hours. It got colder and colder. I remember hearing mom begging us not to go to sleep. She kept talking to us telling us to stay with her. Her voice was so strained and weak I had no idea she was barely holding on herself. She kept telling us how much she loved us the whole time._

_I don’t know what happened next. I woke up later in the hospital bed several hours later. Scott had managed to go and get help but by the time help arrived it was too late for my mom._

John choked back a sob as he finished. “She died, while trying to keep me and Virgil alive she got hurt during the event. We didn’t know she hide it so well from us. The whole time she was trying to keep us going she was slowly…” he looked down at his coffee. “She… bleed to death from her injuries… they tried to save her at the hospital but it took recuse teams so long to find us it was a miracle that either me or him lived.”

The AI looked down at her creator seeing his broken and saddened form. Her processors couldn’t understand what she was feeling. “I believe I… I’m not sure of the emotion I feel the weight of your words.”

“It’s empathy, that’s what you are feeling.” He sat down his coffee tumbler and got up, “I think I… I’m going to go to the island and spend some time with my family.”

“I think that would be wise.” She remarked as he headed to the space elevator. She followed along as he got strapped in. “Going down.” She said as the elevator lowered down. She studied his face; he looked as though he had fought a battle. Perhaps it was not wise to reminisce about the past.

“EOS, thanks for listening to me.”

“I believe that is one of the reasons you wanted me around.”

He gave her a weak smile. “One of many.”

As the elevator stopped at the island, “I believe it is as your brothers say it’s what family is for.”

He unhooked himself from the chair. “Yes family.” He got up from the chair and turned to the camera. “You are family.”

“You’re talking as if you just realized that.” She said with a joking tone.

He gave her a halfhearted smile the John specialty. “No its just… never mind. I’ll see you later.”

He left the elevator and made his way to the lounge not bothering to stop by his room to change. He knew once he went in there he’d be tempted to stay. It was now about ten in the morning his family was gathered around the lounge area and Virgil was playing the piano.

Virgil looked up to see John. “John,” he spoke to him with slight melancholy in his voice.

John gave him a nod as his immediate younger brother gestured for him to sit with him at the piano. He joined him and the two played together much like they did when their mom was still alive. A melodies tune that had more meaning behind it then it sounded. The two were quiet after the song and were joined by Scott who tried to pull them into a group hug.

The three of them had a good long cry after that and off in the distance EOS had managed to get access to the island’s systems to watch it all. She wondered if this is what it meant to be a family. She concluded that this was arcuate as she watched the family interaction. This was family, they were there to hold and support each other. Even if the tragedy took place long before her creation she could see that it still had a great impact on them.


End file.
